Others Being for you

There’s a place where people want what they think about you to matter and you can see where being famous would be attractive there. Because others. Because then you control. Then you can have a say, and what others think about you and they actually do think about you in a way that you want them to think about you. Someone else coming into existence, because I see them. Dissonance: traveling between New York and Michigan and he can see there’s a place to fall in love by love, that means escape escape somebody else be somebody else have something else do other things. La Boheme entices.

You’re on the subway. Looking at people looking at you. People look at you looking at them nobody paying attention to anybody paying attention to everybody, knowing that everyone’s paying attention to you. Thinking they’re paying attention to you, maybe hoping they’re paying attention to you, maybe wanting them to pay attention to you. And you wanted to fit into what the attention is that they’re paying you. Your self perception rebelling against perception. The rebelling believing that’s you knowing it’s you in rebellion. The perception you want them to believe you want to believe they have a view. Can be strain. Can be weakness. Depends on what you’re feeling that day of that perception of you -the one that they have that believe is worth believing to then rebel against -or abide.

It’s enticing and intoxicating to comfortably be a stranger. Relish in being new and out of place. The space of wanting someone to be thinking about you in a definite way, forming to that and rebelling against it. Comfortable being a stranger.

“Otherwise,” says another voice “if you don’t believe people are thinking about you and doing things specifically to or because of you, how will you know you exist or matter in that world, in the city “

Attribute agency to random events. The pipe banging. Or it’s a ghost. But all targeted at you. Because otherwise…[do you exist there? Where’s your agency or recognition that you have agency / are an agent ?] You need the external, the other to not be random -to somehow have it be about you.

And when desire requires another person. And when desire requires a compact with another person being on the scene, re writing the scene with you, for you, about because you and you about because them. And then more of you. And more of you on the scene. Expanding the scenes. Breaks. And filigree out. And about. And among and because. Then desires again. With connections and roots. Rooting for you, sometimes despite.

Desire requires inciting. Waiting for someone or something to incite. Can you do something about it, help bring it about? Change scenes ??

Or if someone does you wrong? Then what

Desire and fences